Walker Evans-Lead Vocals

• July 32nd, 1789-Born (previous life)
  
• October 2nd, 1873-Born (previous life)
  
• December 7th, 1941-Bombing of Pearl Harbor
  
• September 9th, 1983-Walker Evans born in PA
  
• 1989-Orphaned, homeless, and one-legged, Evans is forced to support himself as the opening act for the late, great Gregory Hines on his now legendary tour of the Middle East and Uzbekistan.
• 1989-Kidnapped by Bedouins en route to Uzbekistan
  
• 1991-Emerges from wilderness now with two legs, two parents, and 1.5 siblings. Evans takes a job as the sound engineer for DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. Meets lifelong friend Joeseph Kimmel and first wife Gloria Gaynor (denied by Ms. Gaynor)
  
• 1993-With the aid of Johnny Cochrane, Evans is acquitted of the murder of Stephen Lewis, despite the DNA evidence, signed and videotaped confession, and discovery of the body in Evans's backyard. Kimmel comments, "that freakin hippie had it coming!"
  
• 1994-After the split of DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Evans takes his old tap dancing act on the road. About this time he meets Charleton Heston, and Dan Quayle.
  
• 1996-Forms bluegrass/hip-hop hybrid band, "Booty Twang" with Heston, Quayle, and Kimmel.
  
• 1998-Heston leaves band to pursue a solo carreer and take over the NRA. Thaddeus Van Der Molen replaces him. The Band achieves first #1 hit, "Put some more grass in my dust bowl bitch."
  
• 2000-Dan Quayle leaves to start his own line of baked goods and run presidential campaign. No replacement found.
  
• 2001-Evans, Kimmel, and TJVM enroll at Oberlin. Band name changed to "Randy Coleslaw" and focus is changed to structured improvisation. The band opens for such stars as the holographic image of Iannis Xenakis and Danger Platypus.
  
• 2003-Evans and Kimmel journey to Mordor to destroy the One Ring.
  
• 2004-Together with the State of New Jersey, Evans and Kimmel form Florrid Porpise, the hardcore band of the future!
  

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