ÿþ<html> <head> <link rel="shortcut icon" href="favicon.ico" > <title>Joe Kimmel-Air Guitar</title> </head> <body bgcolor="#000000" text="#ff0000" link="#00ff00" alink="#ffa500" vlink="#44CC44"> <basefont size="3"> <h1 align="center">Joe Kimmel - Air Guitar</h1> <div align="center"><img src="imgs/joe1.gif"></div> <p> <p>&nbsp;<br> <p>&nbsp;<br> <p>&nbsp;<br> <p>&nbsp;<br> <p> <ul> <li>28/8/82 (pallindrome!) Saddam Hussein Joseph Kimmel born to a ridiculously wealthy family in MA. Named after then-popular US ally<br> <li>1986-Birth of brother Osama Michael Kimmel. Also named after then-popular US Ally. <br> <li>1988-name shortened to Joseph Kimmel just to...um...avoid confusion. <br> <li>1988-Joe gets a pony for christmas. He names it William F. "Buck"ley <br> <li>1990-Pony dies of syphilis. <br> <li>1992-Joe's ridiculously wealth family is hard-hit under the Clintons' new "Screw the ridiculously rich" tax plan. Poor little Joe is forced to enter the work force just so the family can pay their income tax. <br> <li>1993-After failed careers as an hour-glass operator, tape-worm breader, and waste-paper basket, Joe lands a job writing material for Vanilla Ice. Meets lifelong friend Walker Evans. <br> <li>1994-After the "republican revolution", Joe publishes his first book in support of the flat tax entitled, "I like my women like I like my coffee but I don't like my women like I like my taxes." Feminists are outraged. Republicans laugh a lot. <br> <li>1995-Steel cage deathmatch with Betty Friedan (Draw). Publishes Second book, "Screw you, you dirty hippies" <br> <li>1996-After conversion to Zen Buddhism, Joe publishes his 3rd book, "Bless you, my dirty hippie children." <li>1996-Forms bluegrass/hip-hop hybrid band, "Booty Twang" with Charleton Heston, Dan Quayle, and Evans. <br> <li>1997-Brother Michael Kimmel murdered by British Mob. Stephen Hawking rumored to have ordered the hit. Case under investigation. <br> <li>1998-Heston leaves band to pursue a solo career and take over the NRA. Thaddeus Van Der Molen replaces him. The Band achieves first #1 hit, "Put some more grass in my dust bowl bitch!". <br> <li>2000-Dan Quayle leaves to start his own line of baked goods and run presidential campaign. No replacement found. <br> <li>2000-Joe's two illegitimate children, Billy and Bobby Kimmel, aged 31 and 32, come forward and demand child support. Joe is forced to submit to their every request. <br> <li>2001-Evans, Kimmel, and TJVM enroll at <a href="http://www.oberlin.edu">Oberlin</a>. Band name changed to "Randy Coleslaw" and focus is changed to structured improvisation. The band opens for such stars as the holographic image of Iannis Xenakis and Danger Platypus. <br> <li>2003-Evans and Kimmel journey to Mordor to destroy the One Ring. <br> <li>2004-Together with the State of New Jersey, Evans and Kimmel form Florrid Porpise, the next hardcore band of the future! <br> <p> <a href="bios.html">Bios</a><br> <a href="index.html">FP Home</a><p> </body> </html>